Monday, July 23, 2018

The Story of... Me.

  As a writer, you've probably already experienced having someone approach you and mention how they would like to write a book about their life and experiences, but they don't know where to start. These folks are usually earnest about sharing their story, some may even be driven to do so, thinking that this would be a way to exorcise their demons.  Or it's possible that they feel that their story would make for an exciting, worthwhile, or cautionary tale.
  Maybe you're actually that potential author that feels that your life is worth writing about.  Yes, maybe you are and maybe it is.  Let's talk about your life story...

  First you have to realize that just about every person on the planet feels that his or her life story is unique and worth telling.  And they're right.  Which means, of course, that you're right.  Your story is worth telling.  Almost everyone has a story to tell, and if that story has to do with what you have experienced or gone through in your life, then it's probably worth sharing.  Maybe you were (or still are) an arsonist, or a drag queen, or a Walmart's cashier... it doesn't matter.  Your life is unique and different from any other.  You have a unique perspective, and a different way of saying or doing things that other people may not have thought of or experienced.  Some of the best novels, non-fiction books, and movies, are based on people and/or situations that to the casual observer or reader may seem ordinary and mundane at first, but which blossom into full-blown life-altering experiences full of "ah-h-h" moments.  So if you're teetering on the proverbial threshold of whether or not you should write the story of your life, or a chapter of your life, take that step and do it.  It's always a good bet to go with your first mind on certain things.  If for some reason you honestly feel compelled to write about something you and/or your family have gone through, then it's probably a good idea to do so. It can be a cathartic experience that may help answer questions that maybe even you and your loved ones didn't know you had.  "Each of us is a book waiting to be written, and that book, if written, results in a person explained." ~Thomas M. Cirignano, author of The Constant Outsider: Memoirs of a South Boston Mechanic.

  Speaking of loved ones...   Be aware that if and when you do write the story of your life, that there have probably been  many persons that have shared your experiences with you - mom, dad, grandma, the mailman... and not all of them would be happy to have their lives and experiences immortalized alongside yours.  In writing the story of your life, this issue may become a big, glaring one that may cause you more pain and angst if not handled correctly.  One avenue to consider as a way of avoiding trouble is to "change the names to protect the innocent", or guilty, or whatever.  This is okay, but it's by no means the best option.  You can change people's names in your book, but they may still be easily recognizable.  In which case this person or persons can argue in court (yes, court!) that you have used their likeness without their permission, or that you may have actually defamed them if your part of the story that includes them is less than positive.  In this case you may have to go as far as changing their appearance, job, relation to you... all in an effort to keep yourself safe from trouble and possible litigation.  Depending on the story you want to tell however, this may water-down or alter your story in an unsatisfying way.  In this case, it would be a good idea to familiarize yourself with the laws concerning the use of real names, etc. in your written work.  I would also like to recommend Helen Sedwick's wonderful book, The Self-Publisher's Legal Handbook.  The following is an excerpt from her website, http://helensedwick.com/how-to-use-real-people-in-your-writing/
 "Writers face three big risks when using real people in their writing: defamation, invasion of privacy, and misappropriation of the right of publicity. Yet every fiction writer bases characters on real people. Memoirists and nonfiction writers identify people by name. How can writers use real people in their work without risking a lawsuit?
First, a simple rule. If what you write about a person is positive or even neutral, then you don’t have defamation or privacy issues."
  But, that may be the problem.  Rarely do we want to write a life story in which everyone, everything, and every experience is positive or neutral.  So, in that case, read the article on Helen's website and then buy her book.  It's better to be safe than sorry!  Also, be prepared to have family, friends, relatives, and acquaintances tell you how they're not being portrayed correctly, or how their memories of the same events are different than yours.
  Another thing you can do is to have everyone mentioned in your book sign a release form or waiver which absolves you from any litigation for using their name and/or likeness in your book.  Often, that's just not practical however.

  Now let's get to the nitty-gritty, the actual writing!  Many people that want to write about their life experiences just don;t know where to start.  They stare at a blank sheet of paper and get intimidated.  What's the first thing I should say?  Well, I'm going to give you a word of advice that I give most aspiring writers... don't "write."  You see, the part of the writing process that intimidates most new or aspiring writers is the writing process itself.  Many folks get bogged down with grammar, spelling, making sure that their T's are crossed and their I's are dotted.  The process becomes a chore and next thing you know, that manuscript is relegated to the underwear drawer maybe to never see the light of day again.  Write?  No.  What you want to do is tell your story.  Don't sit there trying to give birth to a book that's probably a breach anyway.  It will be all pain, grunting and screaming with an outcome that could have been achieved in an easier, gentler, and more accommodating way.  Just. Tell. Your. Story.  When you're talking to your friends and family about things that really interest you or mean a lot to you, you don't worry about grammar or spelling.  Your words come from your heart and your gut.  That's how you're going to successfully tell your story to that blank sheet of paper.  Disregard the "writing" part for now and just let your words flow from your fingertips, even if you have to speak aloud while you're doing it (a lot of writers do this!).  Forget about spelling, punctuation, grammar, or anything you may have learned in a writing class.  Let your gut and heart do the talking, your brain can fix and clean it up later.  Tell the story as if you are talking to your friend while sitting in your livingroom, or at the bar, or standing around the water cooler at work.  Get comfortable and let the memories and the words flow.  The most important thing is to tell your story.

Tell your story.





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